Emotional Honesty

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From 17/10/2006

I’ve been working through some real issues with my counsellor today and part of our discussion is worthy of sharing with you.

Emotional Honesty:
The foundation of feeling good about oneself and not doing things that degrade oneself is emotional honesty. At a simplistic level this means simply the ability to be honest about our emotions. To honestly say how we feel and not think we have to be something we’re not.

People who are not emotionally honest follow a course similar to this:
Stage 1. I am unable to tell you how I really feel.
Stage 2. I don’t have to tell you how I feel.
Stage 3. I can do this damaging, dishonest or illegal bahaviour over here and lie about it over here to cover up because no-one really knows me or how I feel. It’s not my fault, no-one will take the time to understand me.

I loved learning this because I had always been uneasy about the “fake it till you make it” attitude. I know now why I want to smack everyone across the face who says “I’m amazingly, wonderfully, fantastically awesome” when ever you ask them how their day is going. Especially after you get to know them and in reality they hate themselves and their lives.

You see this is emotional dishonesty and it is very destructive. Now I’m not saying don’t look on the bright side of life. Speaking positively to oneself is a good thing. But it very easily crosses a line where we destroy our emotional integrity.

I see this too often in some investors where screwing an additional discount out of a vendor through dishonest or underhand means somehow becomes a positive thing. If we persist with this behaviour we basically become liars, typically dishonest with others but much more dangerous, we become dishonest with ourselves. Many “successsful” people now in prison for fraud caught this disease.

You don’t have to be something you’re not, especially to yourself. It will kill you. As a gentlemen I met this evening shared with me, “I have learned Dean, after 40 years and owning over 25 businesses, that being a bas`tard is not a prerequisite to being a successful businessman.

So do yourself a huge emotional favour the next time someone asks you how you are say: ” Do you actually want to know the truth about how I feel or do you want me to say I’m great?”