Our 4 great emotional needs

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There are 4 needs that are so built into us we actually spend every waking moment trying to get them met. At any moment you may be getting 1 or 2 of them met, which causes you to crank up the ones that are lacking.

Occasionally I meet people who are getting all 4 met in reasonable measure. They are very rare and you know it the second you meet them because they emanate a peace it is easy to become jealous of.

So this week I thought we’d look at them and begin to explore them.

1. Security. Not physical security but emotional security. We were created from and for unconditional love. This need is sometimes more overtly obvious in women but make no mistake, we ALL need to feel unconditionally loved.
Adoptees and those who were unwanted pregnancies suffer the most form this lack. Before they were born or shortly afterwards they discovered that they were not unconditionally loved. Much mental illness and suicide can be traced directly to this root lack.

The tragedy is that this is not your fault, you didn’t do anything except be conceived.

We try to cope with this lack through various methods. In western culture probably the most common way is to gather material wealth to try and feel OK about ourselves. Keeping up with the Jones’s has its roots firmly in a lack of unconditional love.
Tied to this we look for security in education, living through our children etc.
If you lack at somewhat “unloving” cultures like some Asian countries their entire lives revolve around education, financial success and having a good name. They are all false comforts and never bring any healing.

More primal means fo false comforting ourselves can include chocolate, smoking, over eating, m*sturbation, addiction to Mills and Boon and I’m sure you can add to the list if this is an issue for you.

I’ll give you a day to ponder this and tomorrow we’ll talk about the solution and the next need.