Archive for funny friday
Perspective and Presentation
Posted by: | CommentsSometimes things seem complex when the numbers are really big or there are a lot of layers to the problem.
Simply moving a decimal point can make a massive difference!!
And that’s why we can buy their real estate so cheaply for quite a while yet 
Get Going and Stay Safe ~ Dean Letfus
Number 6 is my favourite :-)
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McDonnell-Douglas Survey
(No idea if this ever actually appeared anywhere on their site but funny )
This was apparently actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell-Douglas web site by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not (have a sense of humor) – and made the web department take it down immediately.
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Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_]Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_]Other
First Name: ……………………………………………..
Initial: ……..
Last Name:………………………………………………
Password: ………………………… (max 8 char)
Code Name:………………………………………………
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: …………………………..
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day):
19…./…../…..
4. Serial Number:…………………………………
5. Please check where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalog showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified
6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell-Douglas product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell-Douglas product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / maneuverability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Central / South America
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq
9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Terrorist
[_] Crazed
[_] Neutral
[_] Democratic
[_] Dictatorship
[_] Corrupt
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your McDonnell-Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler’s check
12. Your occupation
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister / General
[_] Retired
[_] Student
13. To help us understand our customers’ lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / disinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell-Douglas serve you better in the future–as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.
As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION
Marketing Department
Military Aerospace Division
Rugby Players are geniuses and we didn’t know it!
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"On what?"
Jono Gibbs, Chiefs
“Nobody in Rugby should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
Rodney So’ialo, Hurricanes, on University
“I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.”
Colin Cooper, Hurricanes head coach
“You guys line up alphabetically by height.” And, “You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.”
Chris Masoe (Hurricanes) on whether he had visited the Pyramids during his visit to Egypt .
“I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.”
Colin Cooper on Paul Tito
“He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.”
Kevin Senio ( Auckland ), on Night Rugby vs Day Games
“It’s basically the same, just darker.”
David Nucifora ( Auckland ) talking about Troy Flavell
“I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you… Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘David, I don’t know and I don’t care.’
David Holwell (Hurricanes) when asked about the upcoming season:
“I want to reach for 150 or 200 points this season, whichever comes first.”
Ma’a Nonu
“Colin has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator.”
Phil Waugh
“We actually got the winning try three minutes from the end but then they scored.”
Jerry Collins
“I’ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.”
Tony Brown
“That kick was absolutely unique, except for the one before it which was identical.”
Tana Umaga
“I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”
Doc Mayhew
“Sure there have been injuries and deaths in rugby, but none of them serious.”
Anton Oliver
“If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.”
Ewan McKenzie
“I never comment on referees and I’m not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.”
Murray Mexted
(1) “Andy Ellis the 21 year old, who turned 22 a few weeks ago”
(2) “He scored that try after only 22 seconds – totally against the run of play.”
(3) “I would not say he (Rico Gear) is the best left winger in the Super14, but there are none better.”
(4) “Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.”
(5) “Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.”
The best
Murray Deaker:
“Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?”
Tana Umaga:
“On what?”
Get Going and Stay Safe ~ Dean Letfus
Death Bed Confession
Posted by: | CommentsAn elderly Priest lay dying.
He sent a message for an Inland Revenue Service Agent and his Attorney to come to the hospital.
When they arrived, they were ushered up to his room. As they entered the room, the Pastor held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The Pastor grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.
Both the IRS Agent and Attorney were touched and flattered that the Priest would ask them to be with him during his final moments. However, they were also puzzled because the Priest had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.
Finally, the Attorney asked, “Pastor, why did you ask the two of us to come here?”
The Pastor mustered all his strength and then said weakly,
“Jesus died between two thieves, so that’s how I’m going to go.”
Get Going and Stay Safe ~ Dean Letfus
Friday funnies :-)
Posted by: | CommentsA police officer in Penticton stops at a local ranch. He talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher says, “Okay , but do not go in that field over there,” as he points out the location.
The Police officer verbally explodes saying, ” Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.” Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. “See this badge old man? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…. On any land.. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? ”
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the Police officer running for his life chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull…….
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he’ll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs……
“Your badge. Show him your +%^&*# “BADGE”!
See you all back in New Zealand next week!!
Get Going and Stay Safe ~ Dean.
Logic in Action
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Another Management Meeting
It’s Friday in New Zealand, time for a laugh, have a great day!!
Get going and Stay Safe ~ Dean.
Bail out Definition
Posted by: | CommentsHave you ever wondered how the US attempts to bail out their economy?
Thanks to Paul for this outstanding and succinct analogy!!
It is a slow day in a damp little Irish town.
The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.
Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the town, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.
The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.
The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.
The guy at the Farmers’ Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the pub.
The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him “services” on credit.
The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.
The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything.
At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.
No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.
And that, Gentlemen, is how a bailout package works.
Stay Inspired and Stay Safe ~ Dean Letfus
